I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
