five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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