you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
