Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
