Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
