I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize