I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
