i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
