whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
