In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
