I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
