I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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