Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
