You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
