I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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