I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
