yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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