I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
