I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I deserve this hangover.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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