You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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