Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
