you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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