It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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