she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
