I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
