wanna go halves on a baby?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
