Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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