she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
