Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
