did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
