There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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