dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
