So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
