be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my shit smells like andre
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
