You work out of a Hotel?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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