I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
