Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Even my vagina gasped.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
