im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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