Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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