i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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