Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
