I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
