I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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