I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
