I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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