Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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