i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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