I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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