we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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