I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
